i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
