I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
