Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
