Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
