my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
