A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
