Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
