Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
