I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
