i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
