Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
