Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
