those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
