i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
