We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
