My Higher Power is John Stamos
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
