based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
