"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
this hospital has no fireball
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
