well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There r osticjed everywhere
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
