guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
