She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
