Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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