What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
