I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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