I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Four minutes until I can fart!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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