R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
