no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My cat gives me a boner
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
