remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
