1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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