well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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