So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
