I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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