Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
