Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think your dad took our porno
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
