if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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