i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
