I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
