the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
