She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
