using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
