I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
