hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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