I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
