gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
