go do what you do best...puke behind churches
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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