I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
