VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
