i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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