so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
