Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
