I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
